No, Now This Is Officially the Hottest Earth Has Ever Been [UPDATING]

It’s getting pretty hard to keep track of all the heat records we’ve been breaking recently, isn’t it? Don’t worry, we’re here to help.

NOAA’s latest data reveals we just wrapped up the hottest winter the U.S. has ever seen—just like last summer (which also broke its season record), last year (another record-smasher), the year before that, and a whole chain of recent individual hottest months, knocking each out one after the other like dominoes.

Oh, dear, it’s almost like there’s a pattern in all this, isn’t it? Almost as though our planet was locked into some sort of terrible, human-induced cycle of gradual warming that is slowly boiling away our ozone shield, drying out our fields, and endangering the very fabric of life as we know it, as we slide headlong into some terrifying post-apocalypse of our own making...

Anyway, we’ll be back to update you here next month (or shortly thereafter), when we’ve got another new broken heat record to look back on.

Follow the author at @misra.