For some Skyrim players, reading about the Lusty Argonian Maid simply isn’t enough.
While Pornhub might be best known for porn that features human actors, those aren’t the only videos the website hosts. Along with cartoon porn and hentai videos, Pornhub has a fair amount of machinima—movies made using digital character models from video games. Nearly any video game franchise you can think of, from Pokémon to Life is Strange, probably has some machinima videos on Pornhub. Instead of featuring real-life humans, these game-centric pornos use digital character models that have been animated or modded to look like they’re having sex.
NSFW Warning! If you don’t want to see a bunch of gifs/images of video game characters banging, turn back now.
In my quest to cover video game mods more closely, I recently ended up on the Skyrim Pornhub page. It looks like this:
More than a hundred videos, many of which have a ton of views. A few have gotten past the million mark. Probably not surprising, right? The game has sold over 20 million copies, and sex mods for it are rather popular, too. But you can’t really upload graphic footage of sex mods on YouTube, so it’s no wonder modders have sought out alternatives like Pornhub, which, as we know, is happy to host video game footage.
What’s the porn actually like? Lets take Skyrim - Sex With Serana as an example. It’s the second-most watched Skyrim video on Pornhub, clocking in at 1.4 million views. (There is indeed a Lusty Argonian Maid video, but let’s stick with Serana for now.)
Like most porn, Sex With Serana doesn’t just jump into the action. No, gentle reader. There is a story here, and that story is that the player is getting married to Serana, a pure-blood vampire. Naturally, the player has to consummate the marriage. Which brings us to this:
Serana, the good sport that she is, gives the player a wide selection of options:
Then they hop right to it! And I do mean ‘they.’ The player is kind of watching from the sidelines here, hence the “TALK TO SERANA” prompt.
This is where things really get silly. It’s actually pretty hard to make one video game character model “touch” another one, and because of that, the character models don’t quite sync with one another in the video. Which means you get, say, a motorboating scene where the breasts clip through the dude’s face:
And a handjob scene where Serana’s hand fuses through the guy’s junk:
Sometimes the guy’s dick is rendered with no features beyond a flesh-colored silhouette:
If the camera isn’t in the right position, the bodies start disappearing altogether:
There’s this really mechanical, doll-like quality to the models, too. It’s in the animations, I think. Just...look at this man. Look at his head. That shit is hilarious.
Nevermind the absurd breast physics happening. It’s like some invisible force is pinching Serana’s nipples and pulling them upward any time she so much as breathes:
Also: the player-character is doing all this while over-encumbered!
I’m guessing that the player was so mesmerized by these absurd breasts that they didn’t even notice how much loot they were carrying.
It helps to try not to look too closely to Serana’s face. She...kind of looks dead inside, even for a vampire.
At one point during the 14 minute video, the perspective changes: you can start seeing the action from the dude’s point of view. That leads to my favorite moment in the entire thing: SEARCH CHEST.
And that’s Skyrim - Sex With Serana for you. It clearly took a fair amount of work, and judging by the number of views it has on PornHub, it seems like a success. Personally, though, it’s not really my thing—I found it almost crossed into the ‘so unsexy, it’s funny.’ I laughed a whole lot while watching it, at least.
I’ll leave you with the (obligatory) top-rated comment on the video.
